Heartbeatgoa.memories -Churchill Relief - Sent in from Robert Gonsalves

Guys How good is your Konkani At last - homegrown Goan jokes...don't have to depend on Sardars, etc. Churchill is flying to New Delhi. An air-hostess comes over and asks, "Sir, what would you like to have? Tea, coffee?..." Churchill replies, "Black tea...... with milk..." The Air-hostess politely says, "With pleasure sir..." Churchill shouts back, "No, not with pleasure...with sugar..." The air-hostess comes over after a while and finds Churchill writing on a pad. Knowing that Churchill is a famous personality, she asks, "Sir, what is that you're writing?.... a new speech?" Churchill: "No..., I am writing a poem." The air- hostess is curious, "Poem?" she says "wow...do you write on Nature, sir?" Churchill: "Ofcourse not...I write on paper!..." Churchill attends an advanced English course where he is asked to translate a few common sentences in Konkani to English. *Salvador, tum novem ghor kaddta zalear, hea bashen kadd. Churchill: Salador, if you are taking out a new house, take it out in this language. *Atanche dakte bhurge cigeretti vodtat. Churchill: Nowadays these small boys are pulling cigarettes. *Zonn eklean ap-aple poixe moddun ghor bandunk zai. Churchill: Each one should break their own money and tie the house. *Aiz hanv sarko thoklam, nidd eta. Churchill: Today I'am very much tired, sleep coming. *Aiz-Kal zata tem sonspachem? Churchill : Today-yesterday happening can we bear? *Mhaka vhoddlo 'shirt' dhi. Ho mhaka zaina. Churchill:Give me a bigger shirt. This is not happening. *Aiz mojea jivak borem disonam. Churchill: Today my life cannot see good. Churchill is at a hospital. "Nurse, I am very eager to know my blood group." The Nurse politely says, "B positive!" Churchill:"Nurse, please tell me soon...." The nurse replies again, "B positive, sir..." Churchill gets hot. "Madam, I am positive, but just eager to know the blood group...Will you tell me!" Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon once met our great Churchill. "Mr.Churchill, are there any Jews in Goa?" He inquires. Churchill replies quickly, "Plenty!...which one are you talking about?...we have pineapple juice, orange juice, mango juice....you name it and we have it...." Ariel Sharon smiles and says, "No...No Mr. Churchill, I don't mean this type of juice...I mean...." Churchill interupts, "I know what you mean....but i'am sorry... cashew juice is not served at five stars...but i can arrange..." Churchill goes for a computer course. The Instructor questions, "Sir, you must have heard of Windows." As usual Churchill is quick to reply, "Yes!...In most government offices we have the single window clearance concept. The computer teacher: "Have you installed Windows at home?" Churchill: "I have sealed all windows due to increased burglaries." The teacher is confused, "Then what is the system you operate on? Hope you are familiar with the internet." Churchill: "Oh Yes! Due to increased mosquito problems we are sleeping under the net these days..." The teacher (feeling very uneasy): Sir, do you regularly use Laptop?" Churchill: "My brother's son sleeps on top of my lap sometimes..." The teacher sweating, "The new Minister knows quite a lot about RAM and ROM. Churchill: "RUM? I doubt...He might know more about Caju Feni...He hardly drinks Rum."